Freedom had been hunted round the globe; reason was considered as rebellion; and the slavery of fear had made men afraid to think. But such is the irresistible nature of truth, that all it asks, and all it wants, is the liberty of appearing.
~ Thomas Paine, Rights of Man, 1791 ~

Monday, March 13, 2017

There once was a book called the Bible

It was Adam and Eve in the garden
And God said, "I do beg your pardon.
New rule, this just in,
Eating fruit’s now a sin,
And for goodness sake please put some garb on!"

God’s folks were engaging in pleasure
So he threatened to kill them at leisure.
The ladies and fellas
And babies as well as
All animals just for good measure.

Noah’s boat was the biggest in town
And God said, "Yo the rain’s coming down!"
Animals came in pairs,
Then God went back upstairs
And watched all the poor buggers drown.

Once Moses and God took a walk
And God said, "Thou shalt not eat pork."
He said, "Write a book",
Then somehow overlooked
That donkeys and snakes couldn’t talk.

Well David struck Goliath down dead
And cut off the big giant’s head.
It’s such a good story,
Albeit quite gory.
We read it to kids before bed.

So Daniel got tricked by his chums
And he made all the lions feel dumb.
The lions said, "No,
This guy has to go.
We’d rather eat kids and their mums."

Now Jesus went around doing magic
And his family thought it was tragic.
After raising the dead
He got caught by the feds
While out with the boys on a picnic.

When Pilate asked about all the goss,
Jesus answered back like a boss.
Pilate said, "Are you king?"
Jesus said, "It’s a thing",
And that’s why he died on the cross.

So when Jesus showed up for beers
His buddies all burst into tears.
Jesus said, "It’s no trouble,
That was just my stunt double,
Too bad he gets paid in arrears!"