I did not write this fantastic piece. It was written by a friend who gave me permission to publish it here. Enjoy!
Forget 'The Christadelphians' by Harry Tennant - here for your convenience and reading pleasure is a (very) brief guide to the Christadelphian religion in verse. Just because.
In Eden the Lord chose to make
A woman, a man, and a snake.
On a tree he then put
Some ripe, tasty fruit
Which proved an almighty mistake.
Eve and Adam had plenty to eat,
But the snake said "Why not have a treat?"
So they had a quick munch
Of the forbidden lunch
'Cos it looked so delicious and sweet.
At this the good Lord blew a gasket,
And said "Was it too much to ask it?
My plan you did spoil,
And for that you must toil
And finish your days in a casket."
And when he was done cursing Adam,
The Lord turned to Eve and said "Madam,
You tempted him first,
So you too are cursed."
Then with animal garments he clad 'em.
Though Adam behaved like a cad
And since then we've always been bad,
It says in this Book
We can get off the hook
But the story is all rather sad.
We must now fast-forward our fable
And skip some good stories (like Babel),
'Cos I know you're all keen
To get to the scene
Where a baby is born in a stable.
Eve and Adam had messed up Plan A
But giving up wasn't God's way
So he hatched a new plan
For the saving of man
And launched it the first Christmas Day.
Soon Jesus had Galilee reeling
With his radical preaching and healing
Though some liked his style
Some plotted with guile
And did some quite treacherous dealing.
On the cross his head he did bow,
And his life it was over for now.
The fact he was dead
Means that we're saved instead
Though no one has quite explained how.
But Jesus had one last surprise
For on the third day he did rise!
His friends went from grief
To joyful belief
As he ascended up into the skies.
So Jesus with victory was crowned
And the good tidings soon got around
And people did jostle
To hear Paul the Apostle
And the new faith soon got off the ground.
But Paul was beheaded by Nero
And the gospel truth dwindled to zero.
From that time of terror
The church lived in error...
CHRISTIANITY NEEDED A HERO!
Many centuries now it has been,
But our hero is now on the scene
This ambitious youth
Will find out the truth
With mind independent and keen.
Dr Thomas sat down with his pen
To explain the true gospel to men
But he failed to admit
That quite a large bit
He'd pilfered from poor Granville Penn.
The good Dr Thomas, he feared
(Though to us it might seem rather weird):
"The man who's clean-shaven
Is dandy and craven -
But ancient and manly the BEARD!"
The Doc was convinced his new sect
Were Yahweh's own chosen elect:
"Condemned are the people
Of pulpit and steeple
Unless they false doctrines reject!"
The Truth it was gradually growing
From the seed of the good doctor's sowing:
No Satan, no soul,
No fiery hell-hole,
And for goodness' sake, NO HEAVEN-GOING!
At this nonsense the 'churches' did jeer
But the Doc and his flock had no fear
With words rather heady
He bade them be ready:
"THE DAY OF HIS COMING IS NEAR!"
As over their Bibles they pored
Christadelphians never got bored
Of seeing the news
Correspond to their views
Of the imminent 'day of the Lord'.
They thought World War Two was the limit
And the hand of God surely was in it.
When bombs started falling
It wasn't that galling -
They knew who was going to win it!
Although by the end of the fighting
Of Jesus there still was no sighting,
In the year forty-eight
Israel got a state,
Which was really all very exciting.
"Brethren, around us the nation
Is in dire need of God's revelation.
So Tuesday, God willing,
We'll all do some billing
And help them work out their salvation."
Some heretics started to stir it
With talk of an indwelling Spirit.
Such tellers of lies,
It is clear to the wise,
Can never the Kingdom inherit!
By now there was many a clue
That the Bible's not literally true.
"From Genesis on
It's a bit of a con
So we need to interpret anew."
"This marvellous world, who designed it?
The cosmos fine-tuned, who aligned it?
We know we evolved,
For that problem is solved -
But the good Lord WAS SURELY BEHIND IT!"
At this, the good 'Delphs went ballistic:
"This evolution theistic
Is turning our youth
From the ways of the Truth
With evil words rationalistic!"
Now some of the ladies were bitchin'
And their headscarves and hats they were ditchin'
They thought it uncool
That the boys got to rule
While the girls had to stay in the kitchen.
The gentlemen frankly were shocked:
They thought their manhood was being mocked!
They said "Bloody hell,
This revolt we must quell -
The boat of our faith is being rocked!"
"Ladies! Be good wives and mothers:
Though we're equal as sisters and brothers,
God clearly ordained
(So the brethren explained)
That some are more equal than others."
Man was having a difficult time
With conflict, pollution and crime,
But God's faithful people
Awaited the sequel
When life would be simply sublime.
They who to the end shall endure
Steadfast in the gospel truth pure
Refusing to stray
From the straight, narrow way
Can know their salvation is sure.
So if modern life has you stressed
There's no need to get so depressed
Just give them a call
At the Christadelphian Hall:
LET THE BRETHREN IN CHRIST DO THE REST!